I think my vagina is haunted
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
