I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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