put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
