I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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