i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
