I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
