hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
