I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
