I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
