Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
