I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Blood and glitter go together right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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