I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
