shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
