You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
