I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
