So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
