Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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