so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
