I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
