nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
