I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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