if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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