Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
