i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
