i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
