I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
