Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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