I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
