I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
