Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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