help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
