It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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