i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
