He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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