I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
