Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize