just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
send nudes
from the living room?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
