Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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