She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
