Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
