You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
