Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
