I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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