hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
