Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
