covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
