I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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