Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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