im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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