dude i'm inner monologue high
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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