So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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