Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
