at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
