Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
