Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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