Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
