I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
