my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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