Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
