I hate your face
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
