Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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