Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
