I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
