Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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