I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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