Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
