You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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