you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
