I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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