I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
