I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
