having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
