How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
