At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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