Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
