Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
